


volatility (self immolation)

by waspfactor



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Background Relationships, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Constipation, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Death, Miscommunication, its really nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28068657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waspfactor/pseuds/waspfactor
Summary: play with fire, you get burntplay with akabane karma and well...(or maehara is oblivious and karma is bad at feelings)
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Maehara Hiroto
Comments: 21
Kudos: 45





	volatility (self immolation)

**Author's Note:**

> hi ur local friendly brain rot machine back with another hyper fixation- anything to do with maehara!!!!!
> 
> maeka is an excellent ship i love these two gamers so much! however given karma's...at home situation and maehara's relationship history they have things to work through first. and thus this fic was born
> 
> this fic was almost called can you find love in an assassination classroom, be thankful that i didnt name it that
> 
> tw that didn't feel right to tag: there is like 1 homophobia and 1 death mention (its food related)

Maehara’s been rejected before. Numerous girls have turned him down, several have broken up with him. He’s felt the low, stinging pain of rejection before, to the point he should be used to it by now.

So why does he feel like this?

It had been a joke, with a conversation with Okano and Kataoka at lunch time. The room was breezy as they talked about dating, which is normally a topic of conversation that’s off limits to Maehara. But Okano and Kataoka have their hands laced together and Okano’s resting her head on Kataoka’s shoulder so Maehara’s allowed to actually speak about the world of dating. The hot new topic is obviously their new relationship, which in turn, leads to Maehara’s relationship…or lack of thereof.

“Maybe you’re losing your touch,” Kataoka suggests. “Not that I encourage the serial dating of our entire year, but it _has_ been a while since you’ve even asked someone out.”

“Or maybe you need a wingman…” Okano grins mischievously.

Maehara snorts softly. “I don’t need a wingman.” A wingman? Him? If anything, _he_ was the wingman.

Okano doesn’t look convinced. “Oh, really?” She raises her eyebrow, her tone of voice not unlike Maehara’s own when he’s teasing Isogai. “Are you that far up your own ass?”

“Well, no but. Look-,” He quickly looks around the classroom. “Name one girl in the class and I’ll ask her out,” Kataoka was right, it had been a while. Long enough for some of the girls to _hopefully_ forget about his usual method. Maehara already had a plan forming in his head. “I’ll easy prove I’ve still got the ol’ razzle dazzle.”

Okano pretends to think about it. “Okay,” She leans in close and points towards the back of the room, whispering, “Ask Karma out!”

Whelp. That’s that plan out the window. “But Karma’s a guy!” Maehara objects.

“That just adds to the challenge,” She shrugs. “Plus, you’ve already asked out every girl in our class.”

Kataoka frowns softly. “You never asked me out. Well, not properly at least.”

Maehara holds up his hand, like he was in court. “I made a promise. Bro Code and all that, y’know?”

Kataoka laughs lightly. “You’re fiercely loyal when you want to be, huh?”

“I’m loyal all the time! That’s like, half of my appeal as the guy next door, childhood friend!”

“Is _that_ the angle you’re going for? You’re more like the playful womaniser who eventually gets his comeuppance,” Okano shoves him gently. “And stop changing the subject! Go do your… _thing_ with Karma!”

“But-“

“You like guys too, right?” Okano tests, both of them knowing the answer already. “So, Karma shouldn’t be an issue.”

“Please choose anyone else.”

“Isogai.”

He’s pretty (read: absolutely) sure that Isogai is currently…courting Asano, which as his friend, he supports Isogai’s decision but also as Isogai’s friend, he’s extremely confused and slightly worried. Isogai is also not currently _here._ Okano has him trapped and she knows it. “Okay, _fine._ Karma it is.”

He swaggers over to Karma’s desk, slipping comfortably into his usual character. He leans on his desk, intruding the other’s personal space. Karma lowers his strawberry milk carton but says nothing.

“Hey,” Maehara tilts his head slightly, grin slowly spreading. From behind him, he hears Okano and Kataoka talk amongst themselves. “I think you’re really cute. Wanna grab dinner sometime?” It’s not his best but it’s an easy failsafe.

Karma continues to hold the eye contact and then, something shifts within him. His eyes narrow slowly, the pools of gold darken to amber. His pupils contract, his shoulders tense upwards; a small part of Maehara’s brain thinks he looks like a cat.

He still doesn’t attempt to move away, the space they share slowly warming up. Maehara only now realises that the rest of the class is silent; all eyes on them. He’s hyper aware of a bead of sweat, following it as it slowly descends down his back.

Karma, for the love of all that’s holy, still doesn’t reply but his eyes tell a different tale; the sharp glint in them mask a storm of emotions. It’s so quiet that Maehara’s had to shorten his breaths, as to not make too much noise.

Eventually, after what feels like an eternity and then some, Karma abruptly gets up, so fast that Maehara flinches, scurrying back a little. The sound of Karma’s chair clattering around on the ground sounds out as he storms out of the classroom, his footsteps heavy with rage.

Before anyone can ask what exactly just happened, Korosensei whizzes in, babbling about his recent trip to the south of France. He’s either purposely ignoring the tension in the room or he just can’t tell, for he zooms around the room, handing everyone a postcard. Maehara returns to his desk, not looking at Okano or Kataoka.

For the rest of the day, he feels like he’s being watched but when he looks behind him, Nagisa is purposely looking elsewhere. It gives him an odd feeling; one he can’t shake off.

For however unusual the day might’ve been, it’s still rooted in normalcy; Isogai still walks home with him after school. It’s an old tradition of theirs; one they don’t even have to organise anymore but today, it’s a reminder that firmly roots Maehara back to reality. It’s not the first time Maehara’s been grateful for Isogai’s presence in his life and he knows it won’t be the last.

“Today was weird.” He mumbles absentmindedly as they begin to descend the mountain.

Isogai raises an eyebrow, too intelligent to be lied to so easily. “ _You’ve_ been weird,” He throws back. “What’s up?”

Maehara kicks a pebble, watching it as it scuttles away. “Nothing!” He exclaims and Isogai jumps slightly at the other’s volume. Maehara sighs, a part of him feeling bad for scaring the other. “It’s just-, nah, it’s-“ He frowns to himself. “I don’t know what’s up. Have I been weird?”

“Yes. Since lunch period. Kataoka wouldn’t tell me what happened.”

“Ah, lunch was-, it’s nothing,” Maehara senses a lecture on the horizon. “Just got dared to do something silly.”

“And did you do it?”

“…Yeah.”

Isogai lets a sigh escape his lips. “Hiroto…”

Maehara cringes at the other’s tone. “It was-, I didn’t think it would be _weird!_ ”

“What did you even do?”

“Well, Okano dared me to go ask Karma out. So, I did and then he was _weird_ about it and then he left.”

“Ah, so that’s why Karma skipped class,” Isogai pauses. “Define weird. Karma’s karma so weird doesn’t really mean anything without context.”

Maehara shrugs slightly, reminiscent of a younger, more stubborn him. “I dunno man, we just stared at each other and everyone got really quiet,” He shakes his head. There’s a weird feeling stirring in his stomach; he doesn’t like it. “I don’t want to talk it about anymore.”

Isogai hums in response and doesn’t press further, well, not to Maehara’s face. Maehara knows Isogai will work his princely charm to wiggle out some more information.

School continues as normal (well, as normal as an assassination classroom can be). Yesterday’s shame and embarrassment and confusion play on repeat in Maehara’s head. He can’t even bring himself to look at Karma, scared of how the other might react. It’s an easy solution. He sits at the front of the class and Karma, at the back. It’s quite simple to avoid someone, especially when your schedules don’t align.

But, oh how they do. Because sometimes, your best friend is the class representative and is, therefore, in charge of the cleaning rota. And by some miraculous chance, he ends up on duty with Karma. Maehara sends Isogai A Look and the ikemen just grins cheesily in response.

Curses.

Cleaning duty is _awkward_ to say the least. They dance around each other, like ballerinas forced to stay two metres apart from each other. It’s less than ideal but Maehara reminds himself that cleaning should only take an hour or so.

It’s in the locker room where it all kicks off. He’s buttoning his jacket when Karma appears, seemingly out of nowhere, startling Maehara.

“Dude, you-“

“You’re avoiding me.” Karma plants one hand firmly to the side of Maehara’s head, effectively trapping him. Maehara isn’t _scared_ so to speak but there’s a glint in Karma’s eyes- it’s unsettling.

Maehara doesn’t reply to that. doesn’t know how to. Karma speaks again, filling the silence, “I don’t like being played with.”

Maehara swallows hard, his throat suddenly very scratchy. “I’m not-, what do you-“ He takes a deep breath to steady himself. Being caught _that_ off guard is embarrassing for him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” It’s sort of the truth- he _doesn’t_ know why things have been weird.

Karma’s face doesn’t move. “I think you do.”

Maehara sees this conversation’s future and it doesn’t look promising. “I _don’t_ ,” He side steps to the side, intending to go home. “I’ll be going now-“

Another hand slams in front of him, scaring him. Now he really is trapped. He turns at looks at Karma again, not masking any displeasure in his eyes. While they may be the same height on any other day Karma’s arched his shoulders and thus, appears taller, more _threatening_. 

“You’re a scumbag when it comes to women,” Karma states, as blunt as they knives they carry. “What you do to women, it’s not very nice, is it?”

Maehara might have read this situation wrong. Was Karma angry about his womanising bastard ways? He racks his brain, trying to remember if Karma were dating a girl he’d dated before. The search comes up empty; Karma’s been single for the entire school year and Maehara hasn’t asked a girl out in 2 months (a new record).

“Well, _no_ but I’m not like that anymore,” He stumbles over his words a little. He mentally groans; could he be anymore unconvincing? “Listen, if this is about girls, why don’t we take this outside instead of cornering me in the locker room like a coward?”

Maehara’s pretty confident he could take Karma. He doesn’t have the experience the other in fights has but he is more agile, can run faster and for longer. As long as he made sure Karma didn’t get his grip on him, Maehara’s sure he’d win.

“This isn’t about _women,”_ Karma scoffs, as if he’d been offended. “This is about _us_.”

For such a simple sentence, it sure does unnerve Maehara. “Us?” He manages. “Have we-, have I pissed you off or something?”

“I guess you could say that,” Karma replies coolly. “Yeah, I guess you have ticked me off.”

Maehara doesn't know what to say to that. His silence allows for Karma to continue. “It’s all just a joke to you, isn’t it? Other people’s emotions.”

“I don’t-! No!” Maehara shakes his head violently. “You’re making me sound like a sociopath or something! I-“ He frowns. He’s getting _really_ fed up with this. “I know I’ve been shitty in the past but that doesn’t matter anymore. I’m a better person now.”

“That’s exactly the problem; your past is still your past!”

“Dude, what the _fuck_ is your angle here?” Maehara spits out, allowing his rage to bubble over. “I haven’t done any of my usual shit with ladies for like months now and you’ve had plenty of time to bring it up before now,” Maehara swats Karma’s hand away. “You can hate me all you want but I’m not fucking doing this shit. I’m out.”

He starts to walk away, scowling and muttering under his breath but, like a knife in the shadow of night, Karma’s hand shoots out and wraps his fingers around Maehara’s wrist. His grip, as Maehara had expected, is iron clad and _cold_. Maehara feels like a mouse caught in a trap but without the cheese.

Maehara turns to look at Karma, already picturing the bloodlust in the other’s eyes. He doesn’t look as angry, as hell-bent on rage as he had earlier. No. This look… with the way his brow is knitted, it’s frustration.

“I don’t hate you,” Karma’s voice is small, almost like a small child in trouble. “I-, _no._ This isn’t about hate or anything.” He admits but doesn’t let go of Maehara’s wrist. A small, distant part of Maehara’s brain notes that while Karma’s hands are cold, the sensation of skin-on-skin contact is hot, and it makes television static run through Maehara’s veins.

Maehara tests the waters. “Then what is this about? You said us earlier but I don’t know what us is.”

Karma swallows and Maehara’s eyes flicker to watch his Adam’s apple bob slightly. “It’s-, yeah. This is about us,” “The other day at lunch-“

“I’m sorry.”

“…What?”

“It all makes sense now,” Maehara smiles apologetically. “You were- I’m such an-, ack! I’m sorry.”

Karma looks like a deer caught in the headlights; an eyebrow raised. “Sorry for…?”

“For hitting on you! You were probably uncomfortable, and I apologise for that,” While he’s able to shrug it off now, Maehara knows this’ll be added to the never-ending highlight reel of ‘cringe moments’. “It was a silly dare and Okano- Man, I think she forgets not everyone swings _that_ way, if you catch my drift. Sorry. Never even crossed my mind you might not be okay with that.”

Karma’s eyes are wide and his grip on Maehara slackens. “I-, uh,” He shuffles away from Maehara as if he were radioactive. “Yeah, sure. I need to go now.” And with that, the redhead briskly walks out the room, mumbling a ‘see ya’ under his breath.

Maehara’s left alone in the breezy cloakroom. A part of him feels like he should go after Karma, but he _doesn’t_ and instead, watches Karma scale down the mountain home. There’s a low twang within him; loss. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s lost but he’s _definitely_ lost something.

He goes home, trying not to delve deeper on his earlier conversation. While he’s cooking dinner, Maehara notices that Isogai has sent him a message.

[yuuma: how are you? :D have you done your homework? it’s for tomorrow!]

[hiroto: i’m alright wbu n i’m doing the hw after dinner]

There’s a pause in the conversation, 5 minutes or so.

[yuuma: ah kinda tired but it’s a thursday so are we surprised ? :’) glad you’re doing your homework!! how was cleaning duty?] 

That causes Maehara to squint at his phone. Isogai’s a nice guy but he’s a dark horse; underneath that lop of brown hair and honey gold eyes is the work ethic, determination, and drive of a leader. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it’s a duck. And if it seems like Isogai is pressing for answers, then…

[hiroto: meh :p its cleaning duty- you gotta do what you gotta do]

Isogai opens his message immediately but doesn’t reply for another 10 minutes which is Not Like Isogai at all.

[yuuma: very true!!!! message later ? (after homework though!!!!)]

If Maehara didn’t know any better, he’d assume Isogai is up to something.

And well. There’s a reason he’s in E Class.

It’s Isogai who pulls him aside after class, saying Okano needs help moving some cleaning equipment. Maehara’s not one to leave a woman in peril so naturally, he enters the janitor’s closet, a dingy, dark and damp little thing, on his own free will.

“Okano, I-“ He starts but the words die in his throat. Okano isn’t in here but someone else is. Karma, who notices Maehara’s presence and by the look on his face, he’s just as surprised.

“You’re not- Nagisa!” Karma walks past Maehara, their shoulders brushing briefly and tries opening the door. No dice: it’s been locked from the outside. “You little shit, let me out!”

There’s a small amalgamation of noise (Maehara can make out a few giggles) before a sheet of paper is slid under the door. Karma gets to it first and reads it, not allowing Maehara to even have a peek. Whatever’s on it doesn’t please him as he bangs a fist on the door. “Let us out now! Nagisa! This isn’t funny!”

“Nagisa’s not even involved in this! He was just a decoy!” Comes Okano’s voice from the other side of the door. “Just do what’s on the paper and we’ll let you out!”

“Oh for-, give me that,” Maehara snatches the paper out of the other’s hand. It’s Isogai’s writing, detailing how Maehara and Karma have to _talk._ And that they won’t be let out until they do. It’s horrifyingly cliché, one that Maehara’s seen and read countless times. “ _Guysss._ Yuuma, I know you wrote this! Let me out, please? I’ll do my homework on time for, like, a month.”

“Tempting but I can’t stand this anymore,” Isogai’s polite lilt sounds from the other side of the door. Maehara doesn’t have to see him to know he has a smile on his face. “It’s bringing class morale down and as class representative, I have to make sure we’re always at 100%!”

“I really hate you, y’know.” Maehara mumbles against the door frame, no acid in his voice.

Isogai laughs. “I love you too. Just…please, work through this?” And then the sound of footsteps and laughter fade away and then there’s radio silence from the other side of the door. Maehara blinks; they’re alone. Together. Unsupervised. In the same room. Maehara’s only half sure he won’t leave via a body bag.

Karma’s the first to break the silence. “3 months.” He mumbles out, looking at the ground.

“Huh?”

“I said 3 months.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“That’s how long we can last before we die of starvation,” Karma points to some water bottles that line the shelves of the room. “If we rationed our water, we’d die of starvation first.”

“You’d rather die of starvation, which is a very painful way to go might I add, instead of just talking this out?”

Karma shrugs his shoulders and Maehara’s acutely aware of how _stubborn_ the other can be. He slides down the door until he’s on the floor, bringing his legs up to his chest. “You really don’t want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Now it’s Maehara’s turn to shrug. “Fine by me. But that means we do have 3 months of getting to know each other before the Grim Reaper takes us,” He grins at his surroundings. “I think ice breakers are in order.”

“Hi, I’m Maehara Hiroto and I’m 15 years young. I believe the brain’s storage is finite and that one day, I’ll learn something that will override a core function, like the ability to breathe. I am also allergic to eggs. Your shot.”

Karma doesn’t bite; the great red shark slumbers beneath the water’s surface.

Maehara decides to throw in some chum. “Okay. I’ll fill in for you. You’re Karma Akabane, the red devil of Class 3-E. You were born on Christmas which explains the hair colour, I guess and your favourite drink is strawberry milk,” Maehara pauses, expecting at least a shadow of a smile from Karma; still nothing. He frowns softly to himself. “And you’re… going through something. Because of me…because of what I did?”

Karma snorts at that. Progress!

Maehara scratches his chin. “If I were you, why would I be mad at me…” He trails off, allowing himself to ponder possible scenarios. “The cloakroom and what happened at lunch the other day…”

An idea forms in his mind. There’s no easy way of saying it either. “Karma. Are you… homophobic?”

Now _that_ gets Karma to look up, an incredulous look on his face. “What? No!” His voice catches at the end, as if he’s going to start laughing. “Maehara, I’m gay?”

Oh. “I, uh, didn’t know that.”

Karma rolls his eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed, you’re kinda oblivious.”

“I am not!”

“You were one of the very last to know about Okano and Kataoka’s relationship, one of the last to know about whatever Isogai’s doing with Asano,” Karma lists, counting off his fingers. “You didn’t know I’m gay, you didn’t know Yada was gay, you didn’t know-“

“Okay, okay! I kind of get it!” Maehara waves his hands in front of him. “But I still don’t get the other thing. If you’re not homophobic then…?”

Karma sighs. “You really want to know?”

“Yeah? Listen, the way you’re acting right now is like this is the end of the world as we know it or something,” Maehara smooths out the hem of his cardigan. “I’m not gonna… _hate_ you or something. I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

That seems to ease Karma’s worries as he relaxes slightly. He decides to sit down on the floor next to Maehara, their knees knocking together occasionally. “Give me a minute. Talking about feelings is. Hard for me.” He mumbles.

Maehara gives him some time and tries not to listen in on Karma as the other whispers to himself.

“I feel like I should probably establish something,” “I _really_ don’t like your past dating history. The whole cheating thing? Yeah no. I really can’t deal with that I know you’ve been doing better recently but… It rubs me the wrong way. And it’s annoying because it muddles my feelings about you.”

“You’re a very…light-hearted person and I think that’s sometimes a bad thing. You don’t necessarily take into consideration the consequences of your actions or how others might react. I’m sure some you’ve already got some ideas coming to mind.”

“Literally most of my conversations with Okano.”

“Yeah. I think you’re a ditz-“

Maehara raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure you don’t hate me? This isn’t a very good character reference.”

“I’m getting there, just,” Karma shifts slightly, allowing an anti-Korosensei knife to slip out of his blazer and into his hands. He relaxes a little more with its presence, spinning the green plastic blade around easily. “Okay. What I’m trying to say is that your track record should be a big fat red flag. And it’s not. And that really, uh, grinds my gears.”

Maehara has the distinct feeling that they haven’t even gotten to the crux of this ordeal. He makes a motion with his hand for Karma to continue. “…The other day at lunch,” _Here comes the meat and potatoes of it all._ “That probably meant nothing to you, right? Just a fun little game, harmless fun between friends. Well, I don’t know if you noticed but no one was laughing.”

“I, uh. Yeah, it wasn’t funny, I guess…” Maehara looks away, ashamed. He had felt like _shit_ after that and he didn’t even know why! Most of the time, when he felt like that, he would’ve just turned down-

And then the penny drops.

Maehara jolts, snapping his head around at near Korosensei levels of speed. He feels electricity course through his veins, like he’d just been zapped with a million volts. “Oh my God. Karma. I am so sorry.”

“It’s fine-“ Karma tries to lie but his voice is flat and his face knitted in concern.

“No, it’s not, holy shit,” Maehara winces, cradling his head in his hands. “That’s a dick move on my part. No wonder you were so angry in the locker room.”

Karma’s lopsided smile is bashful. “Yeah, well. It’s not everyday you expect something like _that_ to happen.”

“How long…?”

“Eh, maybe a few weeks or so,” When he notices Maehara’s confused look he elaborates. “For me, that’s-. Yeah. That’s quite a lot. I thought it was obvious but…”

“No! I had no idea! Was it obvious, am I really that stupid,” Karma opens his mouth to speak. “Don’t answer that.”

The conversation eventually trickles away and Karma gives him A Look and _ah. He’s looking for a response._ In Maehara’s mind, he weaves a beautiful confession of his feelings, how there’s always been _something_ about Karma, how they always clicked, how he admires the other’s wit and intelligence.

Instead, what comes out is, “I’ve never dated another guy before.” Which is the truth but it’s not a truth that needs talked about _right now._

Karma blinks. “Me neither.”

Maehara attempts to play it off. “First time for everything, right? …If that’s the route you wanna go down. I don’t want to pressure you or anything.”

“Admittedly, I’m still undecided. I’m still… conflicted on you. Jury’s out and all that.”

“We could do that thing Isogai and Asano are doing. Like…I dunno… we could court?”

Karma snorts. “Courting sounds fun. Until I make up my mind about you.”

Maehara smirks gently. “You know, psychoanalysis is a little out there for a not-date activity. I want it in writing that the only person I give access to psychoanalyze me is Yuuma.”

To that, Karma raises an eyebrow, mouth open slightly. “I want it in writing that you won’t use our not-date as a way of trying to kill the octopus.”

“Hmm. A compromise, perhaps? Dinner while we draft up not-dating contracts, my treat.”

“Not-date rules says we rock-paper-scissors for the bill.”

“You’re on, _Akabane_.”

(They end up in the janitorial closet for an hour afterwards because they forgot to check the door which- surprise, surprise- had been open the whole time)

**Author's Note:**

> isogai is secretly chaotic but he just flashes a pretty smile n everyones like aw no way isogai could be like that hes too nice
> 
> [tumblr](https://wasp-factor.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/waspfactor) :))
> 
> i am returning to maesano agenda soon..... hehehehe
> 
> let me know if you enjoyed!!!!


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